I expected to find a great many things in the act of submission. Liberation, connection, growth both personally and between us. I also knew that in submitting, I was not giving up any of my own personal power. Control? Yes. But not to the state of powerlessness. I never expected, though, to find so much empowerment in the act of submission. I never expected to be moved to the brink of tears by the simple act of being brought to my knees at her feet. I never expected the uncertainty to completely dissolve and be replaced in its entirety by joy and an all-encompassing feeling of being centered both within myself and in the Universe.
For someone who, for the longest time, was unsure if she even had the ability to submit, there sure is a very strong sense of belonging. Like this is where I should always have been. But only with her. This vulnerability, the character and depth of the connection.. I couldn’t imagine it being with anyone else. This is rare, and precious.
I think I had deliberately put the thought of kneeling out of my mind, after the coast. There had been a feeling inside me all along that there would be a finality to that act, and perhaps the time was not yet right for it – for that threshold to be irrevocably crossed, even if the gesture was welcomed. After all, more talks are to happen, soon enough, but time is still being given to honor the sheer enormity of these developments and the adjustments they require. I didn’t want thoughts of it to overtake me before it was time.
The opening of a new year, though, is a time for new beginnings and new journeys. This particular threshold has been crossed now, and as I had suspected, there is no going back from it even if I wanted to – but, I don’t. This belonging is a powerful creature. The path extending from this side of the threshold is long, winding up and out of sight beyond the horizon, and it is full of exciting mysteries – mysteries I’m eager to explore. I will walk – not run – with care and measure, but I will walk nonetheless, at her side. There is no direction in this adventure but forward. And so onward we march. Beyond fear, in love, joy and not a little curiosity. Onward we march. It is begun. And there is no end in sight.