I’m doing it again–falling victim to the syndrome of always wanting what I don’t have. Forgetting the blessings of what I do have.
Recently, I’ve started to see couples everywhere. Every-fucking-where. And the single people I did see… well, they weren’t looking at me. (Or, okay, I didn’t see them looking at me.) Is this whiny? Absofuckinglutely ,yes it is. And no, I’m not proud of it. But I will own it. I have been very down lately about being unpartnered, and forgetting that it is just as much a blessing to be single as it is to be in a relationship. And, if I can get my mind to cooperate, this will be the last day I forget, and the first day I start remembering that there is no need to feel any kind of rush to be in a relationship. There is no rush. Anything that is pushed to happen before its natural time is fundamentally wrong. Trust me when I say, I have had my fill of relationships gone wrong.
This always happens to me. I get into a relationship, and I start missing the blessings of being single. I get out of a relationship, and I start missing the blessings of being partnered. Is envy, perhaps, the natural human state? Or do I just need to settle down? Not currently being of a mindset to wax philosophical—Pride was FABULOUS but damn I’m exhausted now—I’m going to go with the former. I just need to settle the fuck down and let whatever is going to happen happen on its own timeframe. And in the meantime, ENJOY being single! I don’t think singledom is necessarily better (or worse) than being partnered, but it has its advantages. I’d do well to remember them until such a time comes when I don’t have to.
Well, that was a fucking upbeat conclusion. Jesus.