Headway

Yes, I believe it has been made. A little, at least.

It seems to be a habit of mine to stay out far too late talking with someone either in a parking lot or in my truck after supposedly leaving to go home. This remained true on Friday night when, after hanging out with K and A at their place watching Resident Evil numbers two and three – god Milla Jovovich is hot – I stood out in the parking lot talking to A until close to three in the morning. But it was constructive, and I’m happy about that. Happy, and more than ready to make use of the information and move forward some more.

See, a big part of my frustration outlined in an earlier blog post is that I really didn’t know on whom to make the first move. I didn’t know if one partner would maybe get jealous that I hadn’t made the first move on them, or if there were just one partner on whom making the first move would be more right and conducive to progress in the sexual/romantic department.

Did that make any sense at all? Because I kind of feel like I just talked in one big circle.

In any case, the conversation went something like this.

A: “…We just need to find someone who’s interested in being with both of us.” (After having talked some about previous failed attempts at bringing a third into their relationship.)

Me: (After a brief inner struggle about whether I should open up to this extent and say anything at all…) “Maybe you already have.”

A: (Smiling-bordering-on-grinning.) “Is that an offer?”

Honestly I have no idea what my response was to that. I was too focused on his reaction. But his response after that was something along the lines of, “I’m leaving you and K to work that out.” My reactions to that were mixed: more frustration, and with it a sense of relief. Relief that I finally knew who I needed to really make the first move on, and more frustration because I needed to make the first move on the shy one! A is right, though. Their arrangement is such that if they do bring a third into the picture, the deepest connection needs to be between K and the third girl; A seems to find it easier to relate to pretty much anyone who comes along, and also seems content just to watch/assist if the third person happens to not be into him. In this case, of course, the third is interested in him as well, and I know that interest is returned.

I made a joking remark about the steps toward a relationship never happening since K and I are so shy around each other, but A made another good point: that gives time for the friendship to grow and strengthen. Which is definitely not a bad thing.

I am feeling better about this situation in general, though, now that I have a clearer idea of where I need to go and what I need to do to basically just make it happen. And since it seems that I hang out with them on pretty much a weekly basis, I don’t feel like I’m waiting forever to work on deepening this friendship into something more. Because I really do want something more, with both of them. This is the first time in a while I’ve had a crush of this caliber, and definitely the first time I’ve even been interested in joining an already-established couple. It’s new territory and while a little bit scary, it’s mostly just exciting. Exciting to feel this way again, exciting to think of the possibilities and exciting to navigate and explore this new territory.

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3 responses to “Headway

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