The Dance of Frustration

So last night I went over to the apartment of two of my friends. They are a cis-male and cis-female married couple, with the female, K, identifying as bisexual and the both of them identifying as poly. Their dynamic specifically is that they seek out other women to either play with K as the husband, A, watches and assists (in the context of providing clean linens or post-coital food/beverage), or if the third woman is okay with male contact, then both K and A participate. The third woman could be an actual partner in the relationship, or just a sort of friend with benefits. They don’t care, so long as a connection is present.

They are amazing people. So friendly, so upbeat and so open despite life handing them hardship after hardship. Rarely do you hear them complain and rarely do you hear them speak ill of anyone else. Through a local munch I have befriended them, and when they recently moved to a new apartment very close to me, I have started hanging out at their place, eating A’s amazing food and talking, flirting and goofing around into the wee hours of the morning.

I am attracted to both of them. This surprised me at first, because I am so rarely attracted to cis-males. Yet here I sit, contemplating sexual and quasi-romantic relations with the both of them, and looking forward to it. Here’s where I get to the frustrating part.

Fellow poly, kinky woman and blogger Nadia has written a post about a phenomenon she calls the lesbian sheep dance. It happens, she says, when she goes out or simply spends time with another woman and wants to make a move, but is too shy and doubtful to do so. Often this same phenomenon is happening from the other side too, which results in a frustrating shuffling back and forth between both parties who want more and are unsure how to go about it, or if they even should. (This is my synopsis of the phenomenon, anyway. Hopefully I’m not butchering it too much from Nadia’s original concept.)

My application to this current situation is the poly sheep dance. The last two times I have hung out at K’s and A’s place, there was definitely an air of expectation, desire and potential. It was particularly strong last night, since it had been made clear via text—why, oh WHY is texting something like “I want you” so much easier than just saying it?—that all parties were interested. But no one made a move. I went home happy to have hung out with great new friends, but frustrated as all bloody hell at the same time because dammit, I really wanted to get some (and give some)!

Commence me slowly beating my head against a wall.

In the end this is something I just have to get over! I am missing out on some good times—and probably really good sex—because I am letting this get in the way. It’s time to take a deep breath, put on my big girl undies and just do it already.

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2 responses to “The Dance of Frustration

  • Blazer

    Why is it I find it hard to imagine you being to shy to just say what you want? Damn girl, the next text should be very simple. I am on my way over and I am ready to fuck!

  • Scarlet Lotus

    Oh how I feel your pain. it’s always SO much easier to text or type things than to say them. I’ve found the only way to bypass the lesbian sheep dance (and I don’t think you butchered the idea at all) is to make the decision before hand and bring it up as soon as possible in the situation, even better if you can reference something bold that was said via text but in a manner that isn’t too bold so you don’t feel like you’re stepping too far outside of your comfort zone. “I really loved the text you sent me when you told me you wanted me, I was hoping we could do something tonight” Or something similar. Planning what you are going to say can make it easier. I’m excited to read about potential future happenings!

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