I never really thought I was that difficult a partner, when it comes to participating in a D/s dynamic. Or, I should specify: I didn’t think I was that difficult a submissive partner. Because—and this was a newsflash even to me—I can actually be submissive. I enjoy being submissive. But here’s the kicker:
I enjoy having that submission wrenched from me. What’s more, I will submit more readily to a Dominant who earns my submission.
Maybe that’s where I lose a lot of Dominants. So many that I have encountered seem to think that they, by their very existence, deserve my submission. That it should be handed to them on a silver platter while I kneel naked at their feet. They balk when I mouth off, or when I mention that I enjoy struggling and being brought down forcibly. They don’t want to put in the effort.
Of course, for many D/s couples, the submissive DOES readily give their submission and the Dominant does not have to forcibly take it. That works for them, and that is perfectly okay. However, it does not work for me. And maybe it’s not “truly submissive” of me to list what I want from a D/s relationship, but fuck that. Even the 100% TPE, no safeword, totally enslaved submissives are essentially getting what they want, otherwise they wouldn’t be where they are. Thus, away I go.
I want a Dominant who enjoys the fight, who enjoys the takedown, who enjoys struggling and coming out on top—mentally and physically. I want a Dominant who enjoys proving him/her/zirself, not necessarily repeatedly, but at least once, in that crucial moment where my submission swings like a pendulum in front of them—I want them to reach out with their powerful arms and snatch it into their possession instead of waiting for me to settle down in front of them.
I want a Dominant who laughs at my smart mouth and then continues doing what z/s/he wants to do, regardless of my protests, pleas or bitching. I want a Dominant who is secure enough to not feel threatened when I mouth off, and efficient enough to just stuff an old sock or some such in my mouth when he wants me to shut up, instead of wasting time with ineffectual arguments.
I want a Dominant who can outsmart, outfight, outwit and outmaneuver me—and frankly, none of that is easy. That’s not tooting my own horn; that’s the simple truth. I want a Dominant physically strong enough to pin me down with his/her/zir arms, and mentally compelling enough to stop me in my tracks with just a look. I want a Dominant confident enough to let me play with others, Top OR bottom, with or without looking on to “supervise.”
I want a Dominant who will enforce protocol upon me, but also be okay with laughing, joking and teasing when it is appropriate. I want a Dominant who will calmly and coldly punish me for my infractions without melting down like my stepping out of line was the harbinger of the apocalypse. I want a Dominant who is completely—or at least mostly—in control of him/her/zirself so that z/s/he can be more completely in control of me.
And most of all… I want a Dominant to dominate me because z/s/he wants to, because it pleases them, instead of controlling me because they fear or mistrust how I will act otherwise. And I want a Dominant to love me, not necessarily in a romantic relationship sense but at least in the way that Dominants love their submissives; I want him/her/zir to love me, not just love the control they have over another human being.
I know this post got wordy. But frankly, I don’t think I’m asking for that much. Somewhere out there is a Dominant, or are Dominants, who fill these parameters effortlessly. I only wish that someday I will find them. Before they are otherwise occupied!