Lesbian Bed Death

I have to say this. I just don’t get the term “lesbian bed death” at all. Yeah, I know what its definition is but I don’t get why the term even exists in the first place, or why its existence seems to imply that people think sexual fade in a relationship in something unique to lesbian relationships.

Truly, sexual fade in long-term relationships is not unique to lesbians at all. There are countless articles, interviews with sex experts, advice columns and self-help books dedicated to dealing with sexual fade and “keeping the sex alive” in relationships after the horny honeymoon period is over. A quick Google search will turn up pages and pages of results about this topic. On top of that, most of those things, as are most things in mainstream media, are geared toward heterosexual relationships; this indicates at least to me that sexual fade is not a specifically lesbian phenomenon.

At times the term “lesbian bed death” also feels almost a little demeaning, along the same lines as the old joke about lesbians’ third dates involving U-Hauls. Really? Because no other sexual orientation has relationships that move fast? Straight, gay male or other types of queer people don’t sometimes make hasty decisions like moving in with a new partner? Hell, I had a relationship in the past where I had practically moved in after the first time we really had a chance to sit down and start getting to know each other, and at the time I was cis-female and he was cis-male. Go figure.

I don’t know why this gets on my nerves as much as it does. I don’t even identify as lesbian and for all I know, these things don’t bother actual lesbians at all. But it bothers me to see one sexual orientation singled out and almost ridiculed for something that happens to all sexual orientations. Not every relationship experiences sexual fade, but many do and those that do are not all or even mostly lesbian relationships. So can we either add the terms encompassing all sexual orientations (“hetero bed death,” “queer bed death,” etc) or strike out the term “lesbian bed death” altogether? That’d be great.

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One response to “Lesbian Bed Death

  • Canageek

    Ok, that was a lot more boring then I expected. I was thinking something involving murder mysteries or something.

    Um, as you can probably tell I’d never heard that term before, and think ‘bed death’ is overly dramatic anyway. I mean, what happens if you say, find a new kink and rekindle that spark? Is your sexual relationship now undead?

    Ok, I’ll go over here now…you can put the baseball bat down….

    –Canageek

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