The Binary is Broken

It’s been fairly well established in the sex and sexuality blogging scene that gender is not binary. There is not only a gender spectrum but an entire gender universe (or as one wise blogger put it, a gender explosion) in which we can operate.

Well, I’m starting to feel the same way about the roles of BDSM. It has dawned on me that there exists a very real binary within the world of Dom/Top/sub/bottom and even switch. Yes, even switch because it implies that one must either go one way or the other even temporarily, much like “bisexual” implies that one must only go for cis-men and/or cis-women.

Just as I have declared in my gender preferences, I declare here: I want to be the other. I want to be outside the binary. I want to orbit in the universe of BDSM and mingle with the dust and space debris comprised of chunks of each planetary role instead of taking up a permanent residence within any one atmosphere. I want to be a roving satellite.

And so I am. For all my curiosity about experiencing what the different roles have to offer, I have no desire to settle completely into any one of them, or to even settle into the habit of going back and forth between only two of them. I will always strive to keep my lines blurred, to keep my walls always crumbling down and to keep my spirit always drifting outside the boundaries of my own mind and my own skin.

I am that which is the other and I have given me fully unto myself.


4 responses to “The Binary is Broken

  • Essin' Em

    I tell people all the time that I’m a pervert. And then they want to know if I’m a top, bottom or switch. I then have to explain (which they never get), that when I pro-domme, I’m a Domme, when I’m being lit on fire, I’m a happy camper, when I’m lighting people on fire, I’m a fire bug, when I’m fisting for a class, I’m educating, when I’m fisting Q, I’m flying high, when I’m getting fisted, I’m out of this world, when I’m topping Q, she calls me Mistress, when she’s topping me I call her sir…and so on and so on.

    See, just being a kinky pervert is much easier :)

  • Kyle

    Right on, good for you. I’m glad you’re not going to try to force yourself into a shape just because it’s easier for other people to handle. Of course, sometimes it seems like it’d be easier for us to deal with, too, but over all, it’s pretty cool just being who you are.

    rock on baby

  • Secret Things

    “Other” Thank you for that. I never fit anyone’s system in a tidy way either. I’ll petition to have it added as an option on the fetlife bios.

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