I’m giving you warning now. This is going to be a slightly whiny post. Yeah, I know I just need to “suck it up, buttercup” but in the meantime I’m going to vent about it. If you don’t want to hear it, scroll past or close out. Consider yourself warned.
I moved to Portland for the opportunities—kink opportunities among them. Obviously the kink community up here was going to be much more vast than the tiny little group in southern Oregon and I figured I’d be awash in people to beat on, people to have beat on me and just people with whom to be friends in general.
Why is it, then, that I am pretty much more isolated up here than I was in southern Oregon? Why is it that, despite going to numerous different munches, a couple of workshops and meeting scores of people, I still have not once yet played? I haven’t been shy; I’ve expressed willingness. I haven’t been quiet about it.
And yet, no one seems interested. Are they intimidated? But why would they be? Are they just not sure how to approach me since I don’t identify solidly with any one role? My mother (who, yes, is also kinky and no, that’s not as weird as it seems) has been playing practically since day one with several different play partners but then, she’s a solidly identified bottom/submissive and as such has almost never had issues finding partners.
At this point, I am beyond frustrated and discouraged. I’ve even toyed with the idea of deleting my FetLife profile and giving up entirely. How is it worth it constantly putting myself out there when no one seems to notice or care? How long does it take to be noticed or known well enough? I mean, as far as I know I look okay, smell okay and don’t put off “creeper” vibes, so what the fuck is the deal here?
Or should I even give a shit anymore?