I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the opportunities available to me in such an expansive location. More area, more kinksters, more chances. My mind wanders to the connections I will make, the scenes in which I might participate, the roles I might fill. My mind stops there: roles.
Being switchy, I have the ability to fulfill a great number of roles. I can and do top, I can and do bottom and given the chance, I will gladly do both with the same person in the same scene. I enjoy being temporarily in control of someone and, conversely, temporarily being under someone else’s control. I enjoy inflicting pain and having it inflicted upon me. Even beyond the most basic trappings of BDSM—control, lack thereof and pain—I have been drawn to and enjoy all the various aspects of being a kinky person.
Well, almost all. There is one thing.
I do not submit. I willingly bottom with the people who bring out my urge to be restrained and in pain, but I have never felt the urge to fully submit—to give more than just my body over to anyone’s control.
This has also been on my mind a little bit more lately because my mother—also a kinkster, as many of you know—just went through a nasty breakup with the man who was her Master. My mom is a submissive, and was a collared slave to her now-ex. It’s been tough on her to go from being under 24/7 control to being under no one’s control but her own. It has made me think more about that concept—the concept of being under 24/7 control. And just how ill-suited I am for it.
Then on the other hand, it makes me wonder if I would be well-suited for domination. I know full well how much I enjoy tying someone up and beating on them, whispering things in their ear to fuck with their heads and bringing them to—or keeping them from—orgasm. But would I enjoy 24/7 control? Having someone’s life or lifestyle in my hands? I’m certainly a fan of being in control, and peers might even tell you I have a penchant for being bossy—don’t listen to them, heheh—but with that control comes a great amount of responsibility and a much larger margin for messing it up.
Despite my pessimism it’s something in which I’m growing ever more interested. I’m finding listings for munches and events in the area and I’m excited about attending them, meeting new people and finding these opportunities. I have a lot of discovery waiting ahead; I can’t wait to start.