So… enlightening developments to the world of M’s and my polyamory. Enlightening, bittersweet and yet in the end, positive. Progress, growth. These are good things. Of course, in order to make progress, often things have to be left behind, and sadly it seems like this is happening with J.
The dynamic of me being in a relationship with both M and J (although M was most definitely my primary and more involved partner) is just not working out. M was becoming overwhelmed with feelings of insecurity and territorial-ness, which weren’t aided at all by general frustration because, well… J is lacking when it comes to relationship savvy, and he was displaying no interest in really accruing that knowledge. To this day he hasn’t really shown any interest or put forth any effort into… well, fulfilling his side of the relationship. Things were completely one-sided. It was frustrating to me, which was only heaping on top of the unhappiness I felt because M was unhappy. Yeah, you can see how it was one big messy vicious cycle.
For the past, I want to say hovering around two weeks I have drawn back from J in a big way. And to be honest part of me does miss him. There was a profound physical attraction there and a huge potential for friendship – when he wasn’t being completely frustrating. And really I don’t think that friendship potential is lost, but it certainly has overshadowed the whole relationship potential.
I was a little upset at first that things seemed to be going in this direction, but eventually it sank in that this is really for the best. And like I told M, I’m not burning any bridges here. For one, J is the son of one of my close friends and I’m not going to make things weird with the whole family. And two, who knows. He might grow up eventually.
Still, though, the whole relationship-with-M-and-someone-else dynamic is one that it doesn’t appear will quite work for M and I. At least, not to the extent that I originally wanted it to work with J, M and I. But, interestingly enough, just as this thing with J has begun to fade out, a new door has opened and it presents a wholly new dynamic that is positively radiant with potential.
Last weekend we attended a BBQ with likeminded friends and got the chance to hang out with a couple we had become briefly acquainted with in the past but hadn’t really gotten to know very well. Things were very relaxed and K (the girl/sub) got to fooling around with a crop, eventually smacking me across the ass with it as E (her boyfriend/Dom) and M looked on, enjoying. Turns out all parties enjoyed it very much! Plans are being made to make it a repeat, and more involved/prolonged performance. I must say, I’m truly excited.
The thing is, I kind of have a mini-crush on K, and M is very appreciative of her too. But that’s the great thing – M is totally comfortable with this, both my crush and our potential, tentative involvement with this other couple. He says it’s for two reasons: (1) K is a girl and not another guy, so he does not feel as “left out” as when I was interested in another guy. (2) K and E have each other and are so, so obviously smitten with each other, so M doesn’t feel like someone else is encroaching on his girl.
It’s funny, for someone so willing to engage in polyamory, he is still fairly territorial and is only willing to share me to an extent. But with this possible new arrangement – even if it’s just a friends-who-play kind of deal – I think things will work out. Yes, I believe they will work out quite nicely!