Open

So… polyamory. I guess you could say that my more or less monogamous lifestyle has taken a gigantic leap into the polyamorous in the last couple of weeks. Huge changes in so little amount of time. I’m amazed my brain has even begun to process it at all. It’s been intense, enjoyable, amazing, and absolutely unforgettable.

(By the way, Q, I know you follow me… just a word of warning, things might get a little stronger than PG in the following paragraphs! Trauma alert! :D)

Let me give a little backstory. I have a friend (the aforementioned Q) who is about my mother’s age. I call her my Fairy KinkMother because she’s kind of like a second mother to me. Well, she has a son J who is my and M’s age. Luckily while we joke about practically being family it isn’t serious enough to make this thing with J seem wrong. ;)

Anyway. M and I have been pursuing J for a while. Months I believe. Or at least we’ve been interested for months. For some time it seemed like our efforts were fruitless. He’s a very self-controlled person and a lot of the times we would not get any kind of response from him, so more than once we just decided to screw it and give up trying.

Well… it finally paid off. And interestingly enough, not only did it pay off but it became more. See, in the beginning M and I were really just interested in him for the sex. Or at least that’s what we said. I suspect now that we were both interested in him for more than sex but that neither of us said anything because we weren’t entirely sure as to the status of our relationship. We had always said that it would be fun to bring in others for play but that the actual relationship would remain between just the two of us. Well, THAT certainly has changed.

After the first time we hooked up with J we both felt more. Somehow it came up naturally in a conversation between M and I and we both laughingly realized that, okay, we both felt a deeper connection with J than just “friend with benefits.” We were both really hooked on him. It was amazing how much he opened up. Mr. Nerves of Steel, Never Show Any Emotion Ever, Too Unsure to Open Up Not to Mention a Total Control Freak (wow, would hate to sign that name on a credit card receipt) opened up BIG TIME. The sheer intensity of his openness was literally breathtaking. Actually, more to the point, how well he conveyed that intensity though just his eyes was breathtaking. He is definitely the type of person who only only uses few words, but needs few words.

But yeah. Wow. Pretty much beyond that first day it progressed into something more than friendship, even extended friendship. I feel pretty confident in calling him our partner, our third partner. It’s difficult to describe just how it affects me. I almost feel euphoric. I mean, this solves so many of my problems. I’ve always felt kind of trapped by monogamy, but my pride wouldn’t let me be a serial cheater. Plus, M means more to me than any other person ever has, and my conscience just would not let me be unfaithful to her. This just feels so incredibly right and natural. Yes, there have been issues to work out, namely those of balancing attention and actions, and making sure no one feels left out. But otherwise it was like breathing to incorporate him into our relationship.

I can’t express how happy it makes me to have found a person like M who is not only open to these things but feels the way I do about them. I couldn’t have gotten luckier with her. She is openminded, and willing to try new things, and she loves so deeply and openly but isn’t jealous with her love or those she loves.

And J… well, I’m sure there will be more about him in the future. As the third person in this relationship, he is really quite the complement to M and I. He is kinky, toppy, quiet but open (hmm, I seem to like that word for this entry), dirty minded, dry and sarcastic.

It’s really just amazing how well polyamory has worked so far. I never thought I would be one to pull it off. But not only it is being pulled off (much like my clothes!) but it’s being pulled off with remarkable ease. And like I said, it just feels so damn natural and right.

Oh, and he’s got me addicted to Heroes now. I really am gone. ;)

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