There is a side of myself that I desperately need to explore. It is a side that so rarely comes out in the way that it should. My service side.
It’s fairly well-known (at least, I think) that I’m a switch and that in my relationship with M, I fill the dominant role, quite naturally; she brings out the Dom in me and for the most part, I bring out the sub in her – although lord knows she loves to push the limits! I should really talk to more Tops who Top Tops, and devise better strategies. ;)
(That is another post into itself. I believe M is switchier than she thinks.)
In any case, my submissive side in general is a side that has been explored very little. In fact, the most exploration it gets, besides inner contemplation, is talking to my mother (a sub) and reading subs’ blogs and a few forums on FetLife.
However, that’s what brings me to write this post: those damn forums on FetLife. They’ll getcha every time! I lurk on two forums: Service, and Domestic Servitude. Mostly for inspiration, really. Those women have some really excellent tips for running a household, lemme tellya. It’s when they get to the drive behind it all, the theoretical talk, that I start getting wistful.
I do take great satisfaction in keeping my own house functioning. Most of those women undoubtedly put me to shame with their houses, and I should really be more consistent in my cleaning/tidying, but when it gets done, man, do I love it. But is it the same? Is the satisfaction as great as when someone else acknowledges and appreciates? M, while not exactly service oriented (she’s really not domestic beyond her talent for cooking – my own untamed chef; she’s more handy), positively glows when she’s done something – from as simple as mowing the lawn to her current project, repainting the bathroom – and I voice my appreciation in the simplest form: “Good girl.”
I want that glow.
It can be tough to be a mostly monogamous switch. Especially one who hasn’t yet become majorly active in the scene. (Although that’s changing, starting Tuesday!) I’ll either find a way to explore it or find a way to live with it. Can’t be too hard, when I get to tie up and flog this: