Wow, okay, it’s September! A turning of the year, in this climate anyway. Things start cooling down, leaves on trees are fading, students are going back to school…
There’s a certain newness in the air that’s reflected in my own life. My new job that I start tomorrow, the new 365 Women’s Photo Challenge I’m undertaking, and just the simple fact that this blog is still really damn new, and has so many places to go. The anticipation, the sense of untold opportunities is almost overwhelming. Maybe this blog isn’t the only thing going places. Maybe I am too. It feels that way, right now at least.
On a somewhat kinkier note, CurvaceousDee turned me on to a photo contest held by Shay at The S Spot, and I wasn’t doing anything important last night so M and I entered. My entry is here, and this one is M’s. I particularly like M’s; mine didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped. Win or lose, though, coming up with the ideas and executing them was a lot of fun!
A thought that has been rolling around in my brain lately (banging up against all the other thoughts) is that of titles, and labels. The more I read around – in blogs, on websites I come across – the more titles I am exposed to. Two good examples would be the blog of The Femmenist Fucktoy, and Sinclair Sexsmith’s Sugarbutch Chronicles. The discussion and exploration of these various titles and their deeper meanings is fascinating, but there again I find myself using the word “overwhelming,” because wow, that’s what it is! So many of the things that those two – and others – write about resonates with me on many levels, but at what point do I cap myself off? At what point do I say, “No more labels?” Mostly I identify as femme, but some days I feel butch! And the term “fagette” that ScarletLotus recently wrote about described me almost perfectly (well, minus the optional lesbian part). For a long while I identified as bisexual, but then I finally grasped the term pansexual and, what do you know, it fits, so now I’m that! “Thank you, I’ll have the Pansexual Combo with a large side of Femme, a small thing of Butch – lightly salted – annnnd hell, throw in a Fetish for dessert.” I have a list blog; I almost want to start a list of all the things that I could and do identify as just to keep them all straight! There are times I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, “Dammit, I’m just ME! I’m the one standing on top of all these pigeonholes!” I just want to float along in the ocean of gender and sexual identification without washing up on any of its shores. I want to absorb it all.
Still, though, it’s fun to discover new facets of my identity because in discovering them, I am generally also discovering new people with whom I can – and sometimes do – make a connection. Dog knows I am desperately trying to make connections anywhere I can, since I live in a fairly conservative backwater where drag queens and trannybois aren’t exactly roaming the streets at large. Maybe one day I will be able to talk about these things face to face with somebody. Until then, the musings of bloggers more enlightened than I remain my only salvation.