I am learning to be alone again.
Relationships are funny creatures; no matter how much we work to retain an individual identity and fight against the codependence that tries to seep into the cracks, a little bit of The Meld still happens. We still become accustomed to having that person very deeply involved in our lives, whether that means spending weekends together, running errands together or what have you. Then, suddenly, all of that changes. Oh, perhaps we have a bit of an inkling that it’s coming. We start feeling that the relationship has reached the end of its natural course and will probably fade away soon, like the last ember of a campfire quietly dimming into the darkness. Nothing fully prepares us, though, for the aftermath of extricating our separate identities and absorbing them fully back into ourselves. Even if a friendship remains–even if a good friendship remains–it’s not quite the same, and adjustments must be made.
I reflect on these concepts most calmly. I accept the slight ache that comes even with a foreseen separation. I know that the decisions mutually made were for the best, for both parties. And now, I readjust. I accustom myself to not being so in need of alone time because it is much more readily available. I acclimatize to moments of complete silence and stillness. I prepare for being completely open to my own mind, to being subject to moments of intense reflection and self-evaluation whether I want to face them or not. I steel myself for the brutal honesty of my own unhindered thoughts, because I no longer have anything behind which to hide.
It is time to come to know myself again, intimately and without bias. It is time to reexamine the cracks and chinks in my armor and adjust–remove?–where needed. It is time to reevaluate my faults and become acquainted with the new ones that have popped up largely unnoticed. And, because I am not composed entirely of complex configurations of shortcomings, it is time to recall the good that lies within me, to embrace and harness that power so that I may be a source of illumination upon my own journey as it enters into this new phase, and also to shed light onto those who walk with me. I am full of love, but first I must turn it inward so that it can reflect upon the mirror of my spirit and, in turn, shine more strongly outward.
Crash Pad Vol. 6: Wide Open is the latest in Shine Louise Houston’s famous series of episodes involving real, queer sex. Like the rest of the DVDs, this one features vignettes of queer duos—either real-life couples or pairings just for filming purposes—getting it on in whatever way they do best. In Volume 6 we see all sorts of things from boot licking to cock sucking, belt lashing to bondage, queer femmes to transguys and more.
I also have Volumes 4 and 5 and loved them both, so I was really excited about Volume 6, but unfortunately it fell a little flat for me. I did enjoy the scene between James Darling and Cyd Loverboy—there is something so hot about someone being tied up and forced to admit their secret desires—and also the scene between Tina Horn (a favorite of mine) and Casey Grey because (a) Tina Horn really does have an amazing ass and (b) Casey Grey is one fucking HOT Top, but otherwise I felt like the chemistry between the participants was a little lacking. And I’m sorry, but as much as I love Syd Blakovich, I really have no interest in watching massage in a porn video.
Another drawback that is unfortunately pretty consistent with all of the Crash Pad videos is that the sound quality isn’t very great. I can understand why this is, since I don’t believe there’s anyone in the room with the actors holding a boom mike over the bed, but it’s still really unfortunate because I’d like to hear the words being said and I’d like to hear the moans, groans and other sex noises more clearly. In fact, sometimes it frustrates me so much that I can’t hear what’s going on—despite my volume being turned all the way up—that it basically turns me off and makes me not want to watch the video. Maybe the actors also just aren’t speaking up enough; I don’t really know, but it can be a little aggravating in the less-than-pleasant way.
So there you have it. Would I classify Crash Pad Vol. 6 as horrible porn? No, I wouldn’t. It’s still real queer porn made by and for real queers. It’s certainly still a flying leap above your more stereotypical het or even lesbian porn. But if you’re interested in the Crash Pad Series, I would more highly recommend Volumes 4 or 5, or perhaps one of the earlier volumes which I have not yet had the pleasure of viewing.
Thank you Babeland for your continuing generosity in review products!
It’s wee, it’s ferociously pink and it has the sweetest little curve to it that makes me want to dance it around singing the “Manah Manah” song.
Don’t ask me why.
Unfortunately, my affection for the Kiki vibe pretty much ends there. It’s just about all silicone except for the cap to the battery compartment on the end, which is nice. Easily cleanable, body safe, waterproof (I suspect they really mean splash-proof, as I wouldn’t necessarily submerge this vibe under water)–yes, yes, all good. Designed so you can use either the flat part of the head or the very tippy tip on your clit depending on your stimulation needs–wonderful.
In terms of getting me off.. well, masturbating with the Kiki is comparable to trying to kayak to Hawaii; it was an exercise in outright futility. I tried everything: holding off on masturbating for a few days to really heighten my arousal and sensitivity, coming first with another toy, using the Kiki on my clit–which they call a C-spot on the packaging, by the way; why the hell does the term “clit” need to be further mutated into “C-spot?” But I digress–while stimulating my G-spot with another toy.. nothing worked! I got close, but it was quite literally impossible to come using the Kiki. End of story.
Not only that, but the buttons about drove me nuts. The company inscribed their name–PicoBong–into the silicone along the side of the toy, and placed their “+” and “-” buttons inside the P and the B, which in theory is a clever idea. Unfortunately, the buttons aren’t raised at all so I had a very hard time accessing them while the Kiki vibe was still in contact with my clit. I would have to take the toy away from contact with my body and bring it up to eye level to be able to see enough to successfully turn the vibe strength up or down, which only added to the frustration of not being able to get off.
So, maybe you have a ridiculously, ludicrously sensitive clit that needs a lower strength vibration. Maybe you are in dire need of a near-silent vibrator (which this one is). Maybe you just like miniaturized things–I know a few of you out there! But realistically, if you’re going to spend your money and AAA batteries on a vibrator, I wouldn’t recommend the Kiki. It’s cute, but I prefer a vibe that gets the job done.
Thanks as always to Babeland for letting me review all these toys! The toys aren’t all winners, but Babeland’s generosity always wins.